Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
