I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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