DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
