i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
