dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
