Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
