Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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