no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
