i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Drunk is not a location!
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
