remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I think people are normalizing furries
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
