i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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