So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
