But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
