I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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