AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
