remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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