Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
she smelled like a LAN party
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
