Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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