Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
