You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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