The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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