glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
