I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
