She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
