I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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