They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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