your parents love me but you hate me
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
