Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Randomize
