My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
