my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
