hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Everything about him screamed your future.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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