I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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