he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
