Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
