The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
