So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
