I just saw a hot homeless man
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
