I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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