i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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