god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
