I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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