is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
