Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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