I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
