my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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