pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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