I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You were trust falling into bushes
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
