Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
