I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
