are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
