it's too hot outside to masturbate.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
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